And now for something completely different!

So, I don't really need a blog, seeing as I have a journal where I write down all my lame, melodramatic moments that I end up laughing about years later. Run-on sentence much? Anywho, I figure, why not let people read some of it. Not all of it, because naturally there are some very private moments in my journal. But the not so private juicy moments are suitable for people to read. Besides, who am I writing those journals to anyway? No one in particular, just for my own amusement in years to come. I'm currently up to my 11th journal, although I will soon move on to my 12th. Shocking, I know. 12 years of rants, emo-ness, & believe it or not there are some happy moments. I'll start with a little snippet of my journal from the end of December.

10:54 PM December 28, 2008 Sunday

Now onto the juicy details that is my love life. I remember a long time ago I had ask[ed] 'when did my life become a soap opera?'. Well I'm asking myself that exact question again. Because I'm so nice, I've been hanging out Nelson A LOT. (NOT MY BROTHER). Yeah we've been eating out practically everytime I had psychology. Flirting like crazy because I 'm a fucking retard and love to send mixed signals. So by now he already knows my whole situation with Jovanny. Has that stopped him from flirting with me (or stopped me for that matter)? No. If anything we flirt ever more. And by "flirt", I mean hold hands for a couple minutes, rest head on shoulders. [I would never do that with any random boy, fyi] God, he even told me I was cute when we went to eat at Chipotle. FUCK. Can you say awkward? Funny thing is, I knew he liked me. He didn't know I knew. God bless having Joanna. [the next few parts are quite boring, describing how Nelson & I hung out for the 1st time. Fast forwarddd]
Told me he liked me. He already knew how I felt cuz that fucker [I love Terence. lol] Terence eavesdropped that day I found out on the bridge. Great. And I thought Terence was all innocent and nonsuspecting. He completely eavesdropped for Nelson -_- Well we were sitting in the car, parked. And you know what my dumb ass did? "Can I kiss you?" Great. Another thing that must be added to the smartest things I've ever done. That list is getting pretty long by now. And you know what Nelson said? "I was thinking the same thing." FABULOUS. So yeah we kissed. As usual, he's a good kisser. Just great.


And that my friends, is how it all began. More drama & shenanigans to come!

Modest Mouse "Talking Shit About A Pretty Sunset"

Oh, noose
Tied myself in, tied myself too tight

Looking kind of anxious in your cross-armed stance
Like a bad tempered prom queen at a homecoming dance
And I claim I'm not excited with my life anymore
So I blame this town, this job, these friends, the truth is it's myself
And I'm trying to understand myself and pinpoint who I am
When I finally get it figured out, I've changed the whole damn plan

Oh, noose
Tied myself in, tied myself too tight
Oh, noose
Tied myself in, tied myself too tight

Talking shit about a pretty sunset
Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon
Changed my mind so much I can't even trust it
My mind changed me so much I can't even trust myself

Brand New "Failure by Design"

And this is one more sleepless night because we don't believe in filler
Baby, if I could, I'd sit this out

This is a lesson in procrastination
I kill myself because I'm so frustrated
And every single second that I put it off
Means another lonely night I've got to race the clock

What say we go and crash your car?
And every time I leave you go and lock the door.
So I walk myself picking at a chip on my shoulder
I'm another day late & one year older
I'm a failure by design.

Nevershoutnever! "Happy"

you make me happy whether you know it or not
we should be happy that's what i said from the start
i am so happy knowing you are the one
that i want for the rest of my days
for the rest of my days
your all of my days

your lookin so cool your lookin so fly
i cant deny that when im staring
you down right dead in the eye
i wanna try to be the person you want
the person you need
its hard to conceive
that somebody like you could be with
someone like me

im happy knowing that you are mine
the grass is greener on the other si-ide
the more i think the more i wish
that we could lay here for hours and justa reminisce
uhh ooo ooo

your lookin so fresh
its catching my eye
why oh why did i not see this before
the girl i adore was right in front of me
and now ill take a step back and look in your eye
and ask why it took so long to see
were meant to be

im happy knowing that you are mine
the grass is greener on the other si-ide
the more i think the more i wish
that we could lay here for hours and justa reminisce


on the good, the bad, the ugly
the smiles ,the laughs, the funny,
or all the things we put each other through
its for you for you for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

you make me happy whether you know it or not
we should be happy thats what i said from the start
i am so happy knowing you are the one
that i want for the rest of my days
for the rest of my days
your all of my days

im happy knowing that you are mine
the grass is greener on the other si-ide
the more i think the more i wish
that we could lay here for hours and justa reminisce

We Are Scientists "After Hours"

This door is always open,
This door is always open,
No one has the guts to shut us out.
But if we have to go now,
I guess there's always hope that,
Some place will be serving after hours.

This night is winding down but
Time means nothing,
As always at this hour
Time means nothing,
One final final round cuz
Time means nothing,
Say that you'll stay
Say that you'll stay

We're finally drunk enough that,
We're finally soaking up,
The hours that everyone else throws away.
And if we have to go now,
I guess there's always hope,
Tomorrow night will be more of the same.

This night is winding down but
Time means nothing,
As always at this hour
Time means nothing,
One final final round cos
Time means nothing,
Say that you'll stay
Say that you'll stay
Say that you'll stay.

We're all right where we're supposed to be,
We're all right where we're supposed to be,
We're all right where we're supposed to be,
(Time means nothing)
We're all right where we're supposed to be,
(Time means nothing)

This door is always open,
This door is always open,
No one has the guts to shut us out.
No one has the guts to shut us out.

Time means nothing,
Time means nothing,
One final final round cos
Time means nothing,
Say that you'll stay
Say that you'll stay
Say that you'll stay.

Underoath "A Boy Brushed Red...Living In Black and White"

Can you feel your heartbeat racing?
Can you taste the fear in her sweat?
We've done this wrong we're too far gone
These sheets tell of regret
I admit that I'm just a fool for you
I'm just a fool for you

Here is where we both go wrong

Tonight's your last chance to do exactly
what you want to
And this could be my night
This is what makes me feel alive
Makes you feel alive

Here is where we both go wrong
So sign me up and toss this key
'Cause for now we're living

In this moment that we both ignore the truth
It's all over!
It's all over!

I feel your heart against mine
So take a breath and close your eyes, eyes

Your lungs have failed
and they've both stopped breathing
My heart is dead it's way past beating
Something has gone terribly wrong
I'm scared, you're scared, we're scared of this
I never thought we'd make it out alive
I never told you but it's all in your goodbyes
It's all in your goodbyes

Well, look who's dying now slit wrists sleeping
with the girl next door
I always knew you were such a sucker for that
It doesn't matter what you say
You never mattered anyway
I never mattered anyway

In this moment that we both ignore the truth
It's all over
It's all over

I feel your heart rubbing against mine
So take a breath and close your eyes, eyes


Don't shake, I hate to see you tremble-trembling
You've lost your touch haven't you?
And I'm so addicted
So addicted

Demi Lovato "This Is Me"

I've always been the kind of girl
That hid my face
So afraid to tell the world
What I've got to say
But I have this dream
Right inside of me
I'm gonna let it show
It's time to let you know
To let you know

This is real
This is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now
Gonna let the light
Shine on me
Now I found who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I wanna be
This is me